Background

Well here are the kids. They are 6, 4 and 1, I took this at my dads. Would be nice if I lived there! LOL I guess I did one day...had to leave that though. I moved out shortly after my mom, and I lived with her for a few months. But this post will be long and I wont get into all that stuff right now.

I am going to give the history of the health issues I have going on. They all started with that little boy standing in the picture there..... So after many hours of crappy labor, and after completely losing his heart rate at one point with an internal monitor, we found out why things were not going well. He was just ever so slightly off to one side so that his head was more like going into my hip, that explained why the epidural wasnt doing anything for the pain! So they said he could be adjusted, and that even though his heart rate went down with each contraction, it did recover, so we could wait and see. I decided not to, you just know these kind of things, and at that point I knew he wasnt going to come out of there the right way. So off to a c-section I went. And ever after life had been just not right.......
So I noticed somthing not quite right after about a week post op, one side of my belly seemed harder than the other. So went I went in at 2 weeks to have the other half of my staples out, I told the doctor about it. He told me it was my uterus and it just hadnt went down all the way yet, but it was firm, so that was good. Ok, Great! Yeah, sure. I go back again at 4 weeks, this time Im hurting and again, say its hard over to the side, and it was starting to look a bit lopsided too, kind of a large lump. So he sets up an u/s for a week later to see what is going on. Well my uterus is just fine, and all they seen was a small fluid collection under the skin. (This is all at 5wks post op) So I go in the next day, and he is going to drain it. Says its only like 3 cm is all. What a shock he got. It was massive, and very deep. Soaked and entire full size sheet and an extra gown. Usually they are just under the skin, this went beyond that. So then he puts some line packing in it (looked like a wide cloth wick) tells me to pull out a few inches a day and trim it off, and on day 3-4 to remove the rest. I went back to him a week later, and I had just become red and swollen. So I was infected. (I believe at this time that originally I only had a seroma, plain fluid, and the manner it was drained is what caused the actual infection) So he sets me up for surgery the next day. He opened the entire incision, full width and thickness! And it was left open. To give perspective on size, they used a roll of gauze that was 3in wide, and 3yrd long to pack it, it all fit in there loosely too. I was told that I would have this wound for months before it would heal. I was not looking foreward to that. I had nurses here twice a day packing it with bleach soaked gauze....ugh I wish I could forget all that. But I healed so fast it was incredible, within 2 months I was good again. At least as far as having an extra hole in my body. So that was stage number one in the process....

Whew, thats a lot of information. But I have had two more surgerys since then. I think I will write on them a day at a time though. So tomorrow I will write about the next one I had.

Now on to other things. There is a comment about me being so depressed and to get over myself. Thanks, I dont feel sorry for myself though. See I know where my life is, and I blame no one but myself. And as far as other mental type issues, well they started when I was around 12yrs old. And I think that stems to some bad childhood crap and all that other crap. I would say im border line bipolar for sure. Its funny that only once in my life did I have the courage to ask a doctor about help with my mental issues....and guess what he said? Im young (this was a couple years ago) and that its normal to have rough times. I tried to let him know that its been years, but he didnt listen. He told me to come back in a month and if I still felt the need, then he would look into it. Yeah, I went back again! That was not a very smart doctor I must say. Luckily im not and never been suicidal. So there is one more bit about me.

And today, I did....nothing. Well except pick up the house, sweep, laundry, kids, meals and all that stuff. Jeff didnt go to work today, and he sure was being an ass too. Why...no idea. He layed on the couch and watched TV all day...that was it. Oh and I wanted to kill the dog...see she has issues, lots of issues. And todays variety came when the kids said there TV didnt work and the tape wouldnt come out of the VCR. So I go see, figuring its unplugged, they do that all the time. Nope, not today. Instead, the dog ate through both of the cords, while plugged in the wall. How she did that without killing herslef, im not quite sure, she also ate most of the way through the cable line. I wired it all back together, but the TV isnt working, so have to go take it apart and see if something isnt right with it. The VCR came on though....not much good. So I guess thats it for now. Life goes no where here.